My emotions are getting to me.
Almost nobody in CMA practices what they preach
I don't feel wanted or welcome there
Honestly I am almost fed up with the program. I don't even know why I subject myself into sitting in a fucking room 2 hours a day with a bunch of addicts and alcoholics who aren't about much. Like honestly, I feel that I can probably help myself or better yet help someone else better than any of them could. Seriously. They are hella fucking cliquey and they can honestly see you on the street an hour after meeting you and giving the fake smiles and the hugs and look you dead in the eye as if they have never seen you before in their life. The ONLY reason I keep going back is because it supposedly works, but the only thing going to CMA makes me want to do is fucking use. I am at odds with my sponsor and have been talked into getting a new one, but I decided I will ride it out for a while, because I do care about my sobriety more than I care about any of those assholes
I am close to relapsing right now...and I decided "what the hell these people gave me their numbers and told me to call them anytime if I needed to talk to them" Well I called, no answer, but they are willing to text. We wouldn't want to connect with each other during a conversation now would we? That would be too much like normal.
Thank God I am deciding to get sober at my young age, because I DO NOT want to be like these messy queens when i'm 37.
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